i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
