dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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