Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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