too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
