I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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