Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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