i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
