Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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