just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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