I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ugly people sure do ruin things
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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