so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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