i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
