I'm going to jail i love you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
