ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
