WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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