We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
