New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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