On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
