All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
