she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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