I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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