We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
