pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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