What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
