Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
