Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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