ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
