I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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