We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
