worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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