I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
