This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
