Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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