Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize