worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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