It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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