I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
