I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will be naked everywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
