Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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