I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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