I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
