Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
