Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
