Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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