New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
