Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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