shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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