I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
