i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
