she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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