i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
