Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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