She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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