i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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