I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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