CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
His nipple licking is glorious
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