Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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