she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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