i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He did a backflip because drugs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
