OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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