he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
