Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
